if i had a chain link fence.

I would do this to it.

you had me at "ahoy"

hey kids! do you want to be a pirate?

well, first there are some things you should consider before making this big decision...

the eye patch will take some getting used to.

and you will need to wear a head scarf at all times.

you're going to have to wear uncomfortably tight pants.

and stripes must be incorporated into you daily wardrobe.

being pretty is not allowed.
practice your best pirate grimace now.

and of course there's the mandatory tattoo.

"good hair days" will be a thing of the past,

because of that pesky constant head scarf.

and after all that, you will most likely be mocked for your appearance.

it takes a big crew to find a treasure.

which means you'll have to share.

and finding a crew means cavorting with all kinds of people!

dangerous people...

tough people...

people lacking in sobriety...

people much cuter than you...

crazy people...

but who knows? maybe you'll find your pirate soul mate!

then when you and your crew find your treasure,

you'll learn that the captain gets all the best stuff.

you'll spend many a year at sea.

and you'd better get used to skulls and crossbones, cause they're everywhere.

you won't be texting anymore,

but you probably won't have two hands anyway.

yes pirates are loud...

and the job is tiresome.

but i hear they throw the best parties!

i didn't get ALL the pictures i'd hoped for. you can see more on my ma's facebook page.